Hesitate
by Camunki
Summary: Speculation on what's to come for Dave and Kurt after 'Heart.' Dave faces his demons and Kurt just tries to figure out his feelings. Kurtofsky, slash.


**Title**: Hesitate  
><strong>Pairing<strong>: Kurtofsky  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: Spoilers, homophobia, mentioned gay-bashing.  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Speculation on what's to come for Dave and Kurt after 'Heart.' Dave faces his demons and Kurt just tries to sort out his feelings.

* * *

><p><strong>Hesitate<strong>

"Hey, Karofsky, do you mind? I'm changing here."

It was a throwaway comment that Dave could have easily ignored if Nick hadn't said it loud enough for the whole locker room to hear. But it was loud enough, loud enough that every half dressed football player had now turned to look at them, each of them wondering exactly the same thing – what did Nick mean by that? Dave suddenly felt like someone had doused his cheeks with gasoline and lit them on fire, desperate for those eyes to look somewhere else, anywhere but on him.

And how was Dave supposed to respond_?_ Denial would get him nowhere, not with what Nick knew, but he could hardly agree with the guy. He opted for silence instead, fixing his eyes on his bag and gritting his teeth.

"Then again, that's probably what you were hoping for, to get a peek, right, homo?"

"I'm not a homo." Dave snapped back, before even thinking about it. And _shit,_ it was the worst thing he could do. Now there was murmuring and snickering, like a few people weren't sure whether this was all a joke, and who the joke was on.

"Really? 'Cause last time I checked, giving a guy _candies_ on Valentines day? That's pretty gay." And then there was silence. Because there it was, the validation, the nail in Dave's coffin. There was no going back now.

"Shut it!" Dave hated the way his voice cracked when he yelled it. He wanted to hurt Nick. He wanted to beat the crap out of him, to break his nose. But he wouldn't. That wasn't him anymore, that was another guy, a guy who responded with violence because he knew nothing else. He was better than that now, he could walk away.

He would walk away.

"Yeah, you'd better run, faggot." Dave's hands clenched into fists so tight he could feel his nails digging into his palm. The pain was a sharp reminder that he was _better. _"We don't want your kind in here, ogling us poor straight guys."

"Oh yeah?" Dave's body seemed to turn before he gave it permission. "Well, gay or not, you're the last person I'd pick to stare at!"

What did he have to lose now, anyway? The rumors would have started by now, Nick was going to tell everyone and this just wasn't something he could talk his way out of.

Nick's mouth twisted into a sneer, "So you _are_ a fag."

"Maybe I am. Maybe it's none of your freaking business!"

"Oh, but it is my business. Freaks like you shouldn't be allowed to share the same room as us. Who knows how much you get your rocks off to seeing us all changing in here?"

Okay, so he almost punched him there. But something held him back. Dave could see it, every single ounce of himself in Nick. Every last bit of ignorance in a situation he had no control over. Only, Dave's reasons were clear. He knew why he'd acted the way he had, but Nick was harder to pinpoint. There was bound to be a reason, even if Dave didn't know it. But seeing himself in Nick only made things worse, because he knew exactly how he have reacted to this. Violently, painfully. If he punched Nick, he'd only end up with the whole team beating the crap out of him.

So what he did was stand up straight and smile. Smile, while he still could. Because who knew what was coming for him next, who knew what Nick would do?

"Believe me, Nick, no one's getting their rocks off watching you change." Because that's what Kurt would do, right? Though he'd probably come up with something smarter to say. But, still smiling, he started to walk away, content to have said his bit.

"Watch your back, Karofsky." was the last thing Dave heard as he fled the locker room.

He'd stood up for himself, for the first time in his life. He hadn't hesitated, he'd said what he should have done so long ago. And he'd pay for it, there was no doubt about that.

* * *

><p>Kurt had hesitated. It was only a second, but he hesitated anyway. For a moment, he pulled away from Blaine, jerked away, actually, as if for some reason he didn't want to be near him.<p>

"Kurt? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry." Kurt reassured him, leaning in to kiss him softly, briefly. Blaine's eyebrows furrowed, but he didn't ask again.

They were lying on Blaine's bed, and Kurt was fairly sure Blaine was expecting them to be intimate tonight. After all, it had been two weeks since they'd been alone overnight, thanks to Blaine's injury. And it was _Valentine's Day._

Eventually, Blaine reached over and pressed his lips against Kurt's, and when Kurt didn't react he deepened the kiss, caressing Kurt's shoulder with a free hand. Kurt tried to kiss back with the same enthusiasm but ended up just letting Blaine kiss him, manoeuvring him down so he was lying down flat. He lay there, passive, as Blaine climbed onto him, pressing down, longing for contact. For a few minutes they stayed like that, Blaine enjoying Kurt and Kurt just allowing him, until Blaine pulled back.

"Kurt? What's wrong?" he asked, pushing away a stray hair from Kurt's forehead. Kurt repressed a shiver for reasons he couldn't begin to identify. Blaine rolled off him and cupped his chin, and Kurt felt his eyes close as Blaine very gently caressed the skin there.

"I just don't feel like it. I'm sorry." he apologised, ignoring the worried expression on his boyfriend's face.

"That's fine." Blaine went to kiss him on the lips but changed his mind at the last second and placed a tender kiss on his forehead instead. "Love you." he said, crawling under the covers.

"Mmn." Kurt murmured, slipping under the sheets. "You too."

Kurt curled up into the fetal position and waited for Blaine to fall asleep. It took only a few minutes until his breathing became heavy and Kurt let himself relax. He could feel the heat radiating off Blaine's body like always, but somehow, he had never felt quite so cold.

* * *

><p>They brought flowers and cards and stood vigil at the bedside, a load of teenagers threading in and out to share their sympathies, to wish well, to console and to celebrate a fortunate survival.<p>

Quinn had been lucky, that was for sure. If she'd been a couple of inches, taller, the paramedics said, she might not have survived. It was terrifying, really. The whole Glee club had come to visit, some separately and some alone. Kurt had gone with Mercedes and Rachel, dragging Finn along even though he'd managed to construe some odd sense of guilt that made him reluctant.

She was fine, a few bruises, a broken rib and a fractured arm, but not enough to cause lasting damage. Rachel had cried a lot, but mostly her injuries had reminded Quinn and the rest of them of their own fragile mortality. It was one of those moments that really showed Kurt how futile his own existence was.

Kurt had gone to get Quinn a drink when he spotted him. Rachel was still crying and Finn was comforting her whilst Mercedes and Quinn were talking about God. The drink had been an excuse.

Bandages covered his forehead, but he was recognisable enough, even through the window. David Karofsky, in a hospital bed. Kurt was in the room before he even registered opening the door, his stomach plunging into fear.

"David?" He sounded more panicked than intended, but he couldn't help it. Dave was hurt.

Dave's eyes flicked up to him, wide and a little scared. "Kurt?" he questioned, his voice cracking slightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Quinn was in a car accident. I came to see her." Kurt didn't miss how Dave's face dropped a little. Feeling immediately guilty, he wondered if he should leave. But Dave was hurt, and he desperately needed to know what had happened, and whether he was okay. "Why are you here?"

Dave looked uncomfortable, like he didn't want to admit it. Was it something embarrassing?

"I…I got into some trouble. With, uh, with Nick." Dave's eyes fixed firmly on the bed.

"Nick? The guy at Breadstix?"

"Yeah. And his…_my _friends." The statement was bitter, there's no denying that. And Kurt suddenly felt sick to his stomach. His friends, the people he cared about, _they_did this to him?

"Oh, god. Dave, did they-"

Dave cut across him, "I'm fine. Small concussion and a couple of bruises, but I'll be okay."

Kurt didn't know what to say to that. What Dave called 'a couple of bruises' looked ten times worse than Quinn's injuries. He couldn't believe there weren't a few broken bones there, too and this wasn't just the result of a little scuffle. This was a _gay-bashing,_ the kind Kurt had seen on TV but never thought he'd actually witness. Well. Maybe once or twice he'd pictured the worst from the football team but never… he never expected to be standing next to a hospital bed with Dave Karofsky in it, a victim.

"Have you reported it?"

Dave nodded, solemnly, "My dad did. I didn't want to, it's no big deal."

"No big deal? How hard did they hit your head? You're in _hospital,_ David, that's serious!" Kurt could hear his voice rising, high pitched in fear. He cleared his throat, hoping he hadn't called too much attention to them.

"I already told you, I'm fine! This is nothing compared to…" he trailed off, looking suddenly guilty.

"Compared to what?" Kurt hadn't realised how close he was to Dave's bed until now. He was standing right beside Dave, close enough that he could take his hand if he wanted to.

"To the way I treated you."

Kurt gasps, literally gasps out loud. For a moment, the room is totally silent, besides the sound of Kurt's blood pounding in his ears. "Please, David, don't tell me you think you deserved this." Dave said nothing, "You did _not_ deserve this. _No one_ deserves this!"

"Kurt?" Finn's voice echoed from outside the room and panic seized Kurt as his stepbrother opened the door. "Karofsky? What the hell, man?"

Kurt glanced at Dave, who offered nothing but a shrug. "I got into some trouble." he said again, and Kurt gritted his teeth, knowing now how much he was downplaying the situation.

"Dude, what happened?"

"I don't think that's any of your business!" Kurt tersely interrupted, marching forward and pushing Finn out of the room. "David…um. I hope you get better. I'll call."

Dave swallowed nervously and nodded, watching Kurt leave.

* * *

><p>He told everyone he was going to see Quinn, and oddly, no one questioned him. He did see her, dropped off some more flowers and made awkward conversation, when Quinn could clearly tell he was there for someone else.<p>

Eventually, he made his way to Dave's room, after getting lost briefly. He knocked this time, and when Dave muttered, "Come in." he entered tentatively.

The second Dave saw him, his composure changed. His eyes filled with an expression Kurt didn't want to think about, he sat up straight, and he looked…hurt, maybe. Pained.

"You came back." he whispered, and then cleared his throat nervously.

"Yes." Kurt walked over to his bed, the other side than where he stood last time. He took a deep breath and put his bag on the floor, dragging over a chair from the corner of the room. With a pointed look at Dave, he sat down. "I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"You didn't have to." The pain in Dave's voice was heartbreaking. He didn't expect Kurt to come here, he didn't think he _deserved _it.

"I _wanted_ to." he reassured Dave, and this time he did reach over and take Dave's hand, slightly hesitant. This time, Dave pulled it back.

"I…I don't need your pity, okay?"

Kurt flinched, "You think I'm here because I pity you?" He felt offended. What did Dave think, that he was incapable of caring for him? "David, I'm here because you're my friend and I care about you." Dave went quiet. Kurt imagined it was the word _friend_ that did it. But Kurt wasn't sure what else to say. Dave was his friend, at least, as far as Kurt saw it. And he wanted to get to know Dave better. He wanted to spend more time with him. But Dave thought he _loved_ him, and maybe that was too big a hurdle to overcome in a friendship.

"I brought you something." Kurt reached down to get the box out of his bag and handed it over, unable to resist a smug little smile. He watched as Dave stared at it for a moment before it clicked.

"Butterscotch."

"They're your favorite, right?"

Dave smiled, suddenly, his face lighting up. Kurt felt a little swirl of emotion at that, something he couldn't name. Dave really did look like another person when he smiled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." God, Dave looked happy. Bruised, injured, but happy. Kurt wanted to see him like this more often. "I should probably…" he needed to leave, before he did something stupid.

Because he wanted to. He really did. He didn't even know _why,_ but there was something so tempting that he knew he couldn't stay here any longer. He shouldn't have even come here in the first place, he'd known that ever since he stood in a queue buying a box of butterscotch chocolates.

He stood, ready to leave, and Dave offered one last smile. It was small and cheeky and Kurt's cheeks flushed just to see it. Before he knew it, he was leaning towards Dave. He could feel Dave's breath hitch, his body tensing as Kurt pressed his lips against his cheek. When he pulled back, there were tears in Dave's eyes.

"I really do, you know. Love you."

Kurt stared at him, really stared, as if he was trying to determine the truth from a look. But no matter how much he looked into those hazel eyes, he couldn't deny that the expression there was something he could only describe as love. And this time, there was nothing hesitant about it.


End file.
